Wasted Movie Diary

Wasted The Movie Continues Production....

...and I DON'T hobble when I walk.

We start shooting again on June 1. Went to the FLIM's house a few days ago to work out a rudimentary sked of sorts and tried to figure out how to do some of the more difficult scenes. The FLIM seems to think I've given up on doing the film, which is the farthest thing from my mind. I've gained like 20 pounds since we last shot so it would pose some problems. I'm pretty sure the FLIM's legendary and colossal talent as filmmaker will be able to work it out.

No JENNY yet...no BILL yet...no MAYOR yet... the latter two wouldn't be too much of a problem I guess, but the Jenny problem is something we've been wrestling with for some time.

ATTENTION:

ACTOR WANTED TO DOUBLE FOR LAZY MAIN CHARACTER WHO IS TOO BUSY FEEDING HIS STUPID DOG TO EVEN RAISE HIS FLABBY EYE BROWS FOR A CLOSE-UP.

1.MUST BE SEVERELY FAT IN THE LOWER ABDOMINAL SECTION FOR PROFILE SHOTS

2. MUST HAVE LOTS OF CREASES IN THE NECK AREA FOR OVER THE SHOULDER SHOTS

3. MUST HAVE A WHINNING VOICE THAT SHRILLS LIKE HELL WHEN MAD

4.MUST WOBBLE WHEN WALKING
If anyone knows anyone that fits this description please inform me. So that I may finish the film without disturbing the oversized yeti lounging in the laguna lake area from his joyful and sedentiary existence.

Then do it yourself. I've had enough of you.

I SEND YOU A BUNCH OF PHOTOS AND WHAT DO YOU DO? THE THING I KNEW YOU'D ALWAYS DO.......NOTHING! NOT A FUCKING THING! And you complain that I dropped off the shots first in my blog!How's the eggplants?

I slept over in Manila last night and I had a 12noon meeting with the FLIM at his house in PACO. At 9am he starts BUGGING me, sounding like his mouth was frothing over, asking where the hell I am. I tell him to LEAVE ME ALONE because it's just 9AM and that I'll just see him at 12noon and he just leave me the hell alone before then because I was still sleeping. No, he didn't have a trace of pity and he continued to harangue me with stupid senseless texts to my cellphone ranting like a madman. Then he stops and asks me to buy chicken for him because he's hungry. THIS is the guy doing the movie of MY story? Oh MAN.

So I arrive at a quarter to one, 45 minutes late because the FLIM asked me to buy stupid chicken with salad and mashed potatoes with gravy at THE LAST MINUTE. And he gives me grief for being LATE. Once he sees the chicken his mouth stops to bubble and froth, he suddenly becomes nice, nicer than a cute teddy bear. He's gotten FAT since the last time I saw him. He's now FATTER than me. Maybe we should be shooting him instead of me.

I went there to begin preparing for Wasted movie activities for this year, having stopped for a couple of months because of my wedding and my broke-ness. I see that in the couple of months we had a hiatus in shooting, the FLIM has continuously ridiculed me about my plants and my current state of bliss. I went there to his house today to get more screenshots we need for the Wasted movie site. I should be able to put that up later in the week as I've still got a Superman deadline to deal with in the next few days.

Scheduling shooting will be tough since I'm full time inking on Superman, doing my projects for Graphic Classics and personal projects. That's a lot of stuff to do, but that he hell. You only live once.

YOU WERE WRITING THE SCREENPLAY...BUT NOW IM WRITING IT! BECAUSE OF YOUR DISAPPEARNCE I HAVE BEEN CONTEMPLATING VARIOUS SCENARIOS ON HOW TO FINISH THE MOVIE WITHOUT YOU , MR HAPPILY MARRIED GUY IM IN BLISS STATE!AND DUE TO MY GENUIS I HAVE ARRIVED AT A SOLUTION.NOW THE CREDITS GO SCREENPLAY BY GERRY ALANGUILAN AND NOEL FLIM.DICKWEED!

There! Updated the site with your inane corrections to the spelling of your name on the front page, uploaded your HUMONGOUS pics and bio (that page alone took 3 hours to upload due to its SHEER size. I also added pics and bios of cast we currently have which means me, Dino, and Budjette. I'll put more pics in the photo section later....

What the hell do we need footage of ME getting married for the movie? We can't use that and you know it! What I meant was did you get footage of my wedding from AFAR, stuff where we don't actually see MY FACE because what the fuck are the people going to think why is Eric getting married all of a sudden?

Lay off the fucking plants, you Mordor loving plant killer! Already some of my plants have died because of the sheer stench that emanate from the negative vibe that you keep sending my way.

Go ahead and sit on the wrath of Khan DVD. I'll just get YOUR copy.

DID I GET SOME? DID I GET SOME FOOTAGE OF YOU DOING YOUR LOVEY DOVE FACE, SMILING AND ACTING LIKE LEONARDO CAPRIO AT THE TAIL END OF HIS LIFE ?????? YOU SHOULD KNOW I WAS POKING THE CAM ON THE NOGGIN OF YOUR DADDY AND THE PRIEST AS THEY OFFICIATED YOUR CIVILIAN DEMISE! I SHOULD CHANGE THE TITLE OF WASTED THE MOVIE TO THE MOVIE,WASTED! I WANT TO BURY YOU IN A SMALL HOLE AND HIRE SOMEONE TO WATER YER HEAD EVERYDAY YOU LIMP VEGETABLE! READING YOUR ..." OHHH IM HAVING A NICE DAY PLANTING NEW PLANTS IN MY GARDEN...BLAH..BLAH...BLAH...MAKES ME WANT TO SIT ON YOUR WRATH OF KHAN DVD FOR THE 50TH TIME!

Hey, that computer generated idea of yours is brilliant. I just saw TWO TOWERS and man, they did some fine work with Gollum. I'm sure your magnificently blinding, not to mention undeniably scholarly expert expertise in all means digital would flawlessly and easily pull it off.

You know, my wedding was an opportunity for you to shoot some wedding footage that we need for the wedding scene in the movie. Did you get some?

By the way, while our web designer is putting together our site, I thought I'd put a temporary one in. Everyone hated the last design I put up so I switched back to the old one, placed some new links including a preview of scenes from the movie as well as our cast pic.

After weeks of waiting for some jackass actor get a free day in his calendar I have finally hit on a brainstorm that will ensure the completion of the MOVIE.I had my computer graphics team come up with a simulated character.Unfortunately they could never duplicate his graceless wobble and unsteady gait.Turns out we need a sensor encoded suit attachement to the original actor to record his actions which would then be thrown into the digital realm for texture mapping. I told the animators if I could have that TWATH on the first place then there would be no need to animate the bastard!Two options are available. One,kidnap him on his wedding day which wont be a problem since I am invited. Haul his ass to the studio. Then strap his body with the sensor device and then at gun point order him to walk around. Once enough material has been recorded i'd strip him bare naked and dump him in the south super highway.Let's see him talk his way out of it.or plan an all out assault on EX PRESIDENT ESTRADA'S Longing and convince him to take over the role.either ways is good enough for me. bUT i'm rather PARTIAL TO KIDNAPPING THE JACKASS and making him go home with only his birthday suit!

HOLY SHIT! That's the most hilarious one yet! ha! ha! I bow down to your immense drafting skills the FLIM! Sorry I haven't been available for shooting lately, as there are things I need to take care of, such as moving out of Manila, moving into a new place, the wedding stuff, Superman. Christ. As soon as I'm settled, let's go and plan our sked more carefully.

BEHOLD THE BANE OF POULTRY DENIZENS EVERYWHERE

MAMMOTH JOWLS THAT RIPS, SHREDS AND MUNCHES WITHOUT COMPASSION.

UNBORN CHICKS QUAKE WITHIN THEIR FRAGILE SHELLS AS HIS IMMENSE SHADOW BLOCKS THE SUN.

KARO SYRUP and CATSUPS NO MORES

Alanguilan left the gray shirt for me to gore it up for the following day’s early morning shoot. Spent half the night looking for the MAGIC paper that would be the basic ingredient for the bloodstains. Unfortunately the magic paper was nowhere to be found. I remember placing it in my prop cabinet. And when I opened it …the cabinet was very tidy and as usual all the important things are nowhere to be found. That is one o the major reasons I don’t like the maids cleaning up. Oh yes they sweep off the dust and they put everything in its proper place but then their concept of a proper place isn’t the same as mine’s. Asked the maids where thy placed the magic paper.

DELILAH: “ I don’t remember SER! I cleaned it’s a weeks ago.”

FLIM: “ BROWN ENVELOPE…on this shelf.”

DELILAH: “ NEVER SAW…SER! “

I looked at the shelves and it was filled with cleaning fluids and kitchen instruments.

FLIM: “ Delilah…please don’t touch this cabinet. This is where we put our props for filming. Now I can’t find the magic paper and we need it for tomorrow’s shoot.”

DELILAH: “ I thought ye were lookings for the brown envelope. It doesn’t look like magic paper ser!”

FLIM: “ The magic paper is inside the brown envelope.”

DELILAH: “ How does the magic paper look like? “

I described the color and the texture of the paper. Suddenly her eyes grew wide.

DELILAH: “ We made paper boats with it Ser! Long times ago! “

FLIM: “ How can it be LONG TIMES AGO! I JUST BOUGHT THAT PAPER A WEEK AGO! “

DELILAH: “ A week ago is a long times ago! “

I KNEW IT! NOTHING COULD BE SIMPLE WITH THIS FILM!!!!! ARRGGGH!

FLIM: ”NEXT TIME DELILAH DON’T TOUCH THE CONTENTS OF THE PROP CABINET! “

DELILAH: “ You told us to cleanese it.”

FLIM: “ When was that? “

DELILAH: “ A longs times ago!”


FLIM: “ I told you to do that even before I turned this cabinet into a prop room. IN FACT I ASKED YOU TO CLEAN IT SO THAT I CAN TURN IT INTO A PROP ROOM! And that was months ago! WHEN DID YOU CLEAN IT? “

DELILAH: “ Noong SUNDAY.”

FLIM: “ You cleaned it last Sunday? I told you to CLEAN IT A LONGS TIMES AGO!”

That’s it! NO BROWN ENVELOPE! NO MAGIC PAPER! NO BLOOD!

Made a mental note to by a padlock so I can control the traffic of the Prop cabinet.

Well that’s it for the MAGIC PAPER. Probably its floating somewhere in the Pasig river.
Left a little surprise for Alanguilan on the dinner table and started catching ZZZs. It’s going to be an early day tomorrow.

Was leafing thru my storyboards when ALANGUILAN climbed the stairs.

ALANGUILAN: “ WHAT DOES THE SPREAD T-SHIRT ON THE DINNER TABLE MEAN? “

FLIM: “ ASIDE FROM THE CATSUP BOTTLE STANDING NEXT TO IT?”

ALANGUILAN: “ Where’s the MAGIC PAPER? “

FLIM: “ Its gone….”

ALANGUILAN: “ What happened? “

FLIM: “ It’s a longs storys! And it’s happened a longs times ago! SO START DRIBBLING! “

Used the " VOICE” so ALANGULAN automatically obeyed my command. He started pouring the catsup on the t-shirt and tried to make it look like a random splash of human blood. Supposedly it was the blood of his gay tormentors, the one’s he slaughtered a month ago.

During the pre-production phase of WASTED THE MOVIE. I already told ALAGUILAN that I wasn’t interested in making a slasher film. And as much as I hate to use the word, which has been maligned, by a lot of filmmakers since time immemorial, I really wanted this film to be “ CHARACTER DRIVEN! “

YUCKKKK! NOW I HAVE SAID IT! “ CHARACTER DRIVEN” I always cringe when I see directors being interviewed about their films and claiming it as being “ CHARACTER DRIVEN ” when I just saw it and it’s anything but “ CHARACTER DRIVEN! “

Well I just wrote it on this blog. Can always erase it anytime, Hehehehehehehe

Hmm now where was I? Oh yes.. So I told Alanguilan in order to make WASTED a “ CHARACTER DRIVEN “ movie I have to focus more on the internal and external character conflicts rather than the killings and the slaughter fest!

ALANGUILAN: “ BUT…BUT…BUT ITS NOT GOING TO BE WASTED WITHOUT BLOOD AND DEAD BODIES IN MAJOR NUMBERS.”

FLIM: “ Was thinking of doing a FRED ASTAIRE GINGER ROGERS MUSICAL NUMBER instead of shooting massacre scenes. Whadya think?”

ALANGUILAN: “ I have always been partial to musicals you know.”

So with that concept in mind we shot the killing scenes with a little restraint. There’s still blood…there’s a little gore and some brain tissues coagulating on phone booth stands but not excessively.

FLIM: “ DON’T PUT TOO MUCH BLOOD ON THE SHIRT! ITS JUST A SPRAY STAIN! NOT A BUTCHER’S APRON! “

ALANGUILAN: “ Just wanted to make sure that there’s a little bit more blood. You don’t want the audience to think that he got it when he shaved that morning do you? “

FLIM: “ Yeah well…just don’t add anymore.”

I left him to do the blood work as I assembled the camera and the lenses.

ALANGUILAN: “ SHIT!!!! I’M GOING TO SMELL LIKE CATSUP FOR THE REST OF THE DAY! “

FLIM: “ Maybe you can be a walking DEL MONTE ICON.”

ALANGUILAN: “ You can crack jokes about it but I’m going to be the one to wear this and smell like catsup! ALL DAY LONG! “

FLIM: “Look, Im going to be busting my chops making you look GOOD! And that’s not an easy job!!!”

ALANGUILAN: “ JACKASS!!!! “

FLIM: “LEMUR!”

We walked five blocks to the location. Everyone we met along the way held their noses with their fingers.

ALANGUILAN: “ I hate you! “

FLIM: “ You’re a star. Everyone feels your magnetic presence! You foul the very air that mere mortals breathe! YOU ARE AN EPIPHANY! “

ALANGUILAN: “ GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! “

We reached the location and I positioned myself, the camera and the tripod fifty feet away.

FLIM: “ Ok, I want you to hide in that corner and when I yell action. I want you to come walking with your trademark JOSEPH ESTRADA SWAGGER and looking zoned out while hiding your gun in the back.”

ALANGUILAN looks at the distance that he is about to cover.

ALANGUILAN: “ How am I gonna hear you yell action when it sso far away? “

FLIM: “ “I’LL CUP MY HANDS OVER MY MOUTH AND SIMULATE A MEGAPHONE, YOU HAPPY? NOW DO IT! “

He goes off mumbling and grumbling something about catsups and tomatoes.

For some strange reason the tripod resisted every attempt I made to make it perfectly horizontal. The third leg would swivel back into the sloth and when I fixed that, the other leg would do the same.

FLIM: “ YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED MY LITTLE METALLIC FRIEND. IF I HAD A TRIPOD TO SPARE I’D WHAM YOU ON THE HEAD! YOU SHITHEAD!”

We did 60 takes of ALANGUILAN rounding the corner. Every take had something good in it. But the first twenty takes were too conventional. The magic started happening between take forty-one till take 60.

FLIM: “ GOOD! THAT’S GOOD! LETS DO ANOTHER! “

TAKE: 52

FLIM: “ GOOD! THAT’S GOOD! LETS DO ANOTHER! “

TAKE: 57

FLIM: "THAS GOOD! LETS DO ANOTHER!

ALANGUILAN walks towards me with exhaustation written all over his face!

ALANGUILAN: “ IF ITS GOOD. WHY ARE WE DOING MORE TAKES OF THE SAME THING?”

FLIM: “ I said that IT’S GOOD. I DIDN’T SAY THAT IT WAS GREAT!!!! UNTIL I SAY GREAT! WE’RE GOING TO DO MORE TAKES!!!!!”

ALANGUILAN: “ Well stop saying “ GOOD.” It makes me feel bad when we still have to do more.”

FLIM: “ Would you rather me say, “ THAT’S BAD, LETS DO ANOTHER? Won’t you get more discouraged with that every time we repeat the shot? I was giving you an emotional boost! YOU’RE DOIN GOOD LETS TRY ANOTHER!! Doesn’t that give you an extra PEP?”

ALANGUILAN: “ I guess…...................... I smell like catsup.”

FLIM: “ I smell like sweat all over but you don’t hear me complaining. NOW LETS DO ANOTHER TAKE!!! ”

We nailed it at TAKE 60. On the way back to the command station, the pedicab driver who played our snatcher, months ago passed by with his pedicab and offered us a lift. We were more than happy to take him up with the invitation. Did a quick interview of him while he was pedaling. When we reached H.Q. We gave him 20 bucks. But he refused saying that it was on him. Probably thought that we wanted to bang him up so more. But Alanguilan insisted and he caved in.

We were both too exhausted to talk so we ate our lunch in silence.

DELILAH walks in

DELILAH: "Sers,we need moneis for some catsups for the fird chickens.Thers catsups no mores."

I look at Alanguilan and tell him that he’s lucky he doesn’t have to eat dinner with us that night.

KARO SYRUP AND MY MAN, FRIDAY.- I

The Catsup incident started a day before the shoot, which was Thursday. ALANGUILAN dropped off some stuff that he promised he would lend me. One trade paperback of the latest daredevil reprints LOVE’S LABOR LOST. ALAN MOORE’S PROMETHEA and BIRTH CAUL. I’m a big fan of DAREDEVIL when FRANK MILLER handled the title. But now everything that comes out looks pathetic after his run. And any comic book with a title ‘LOVE LABOR’S LOST would definitely get my attention if not my contempt! Still Alanguilan insisted that I try it because it was the debut of DAVE MAZZUCCHELI. I’m a fan of his art since I first saw it in BORN AGAIN. But as I read thru it, (LOVE’S LABOR LOST) I suddenly discovered that I only enjoyed it (DAVE’S ART) when the writing was good (Like BORN AGAIN.) and this LOVE’S LABOR’S LOST is a definite loss! I swore that I would never read any recommendations by ALANGUILAN. Ten out of 3 they’re always bad! I don’t know which is worst, his taste in comic books or his taste in films.

AS we sat down to plan the next day’s shooting we saw something in the DISCOVERY channel about a guy traveling Europe and discussing new medeterianain recipes. We both looked at each other and in a rare moment our earthly needs were in synch.

ALANGUILAN: “ Let’s order PIZZA.”

FLIM: “ DAMN STRAIGHT! “

ALANGUILAN: “ I have a buy one, take one promo card from Pizza hut. Let’s use it.”

So I dialed the number and made the usual reservations.

FLIM: “ How much for a large pan pizza.

She mentions a price that is somewhere between 350-390.

FLIM: “ Ok give us a MANAGER’S SPECIAL.”

COUNTERGIRL: “ Sir..We don’t have that eh.”

ALANGUILAN: “ THAT’S SHAKEYS, MORON! PIZZA HUT IS MEAT LOVERS! “

FLIM: “ Can you kindly hold on while me and my hunchback assistant discuss something?”

COUNTER GIRL: “ Ok sir.”

FLIM: “ WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE PROMO FROM SHAKEY’S YOU JACKASS! I HATE MEAT LOVERS! “

ALANGUILAN: “ THAT’S THE ONLY PROMO CARD THEY WERE HANDING OUT WHEN I STEPPED OUT OF THE HOUSE! YOU LEMUR! “

FLIM: “ I HATE ANYTHING THAT HAS PINEAPPLES ON SOMETHING THAT'S SUPPOSED TO REGISTER ON MY PALETTE AS MEATY AND SPICY!”

ALANGUILAN: “ WELL ORDER SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T HAVE PINEAPPLE ON THEM! “

FLIM: “ I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU TO GET PROMOS ON THINGS THAT PEOPLE WONT BUY ON A REGULAR PRICE DAY! “

I turned my attention back to the girl on the phone!

FLIM: “ What else do you have that doesn’t have pineapples on it.”

She names one and I order it.

COUNTER GIRL: “ But SIR THE FREE PIZZA THAT accompanies it has pineapples on it! “

FLIM: “ Hold on again.! “

I just placed the phone on my knee and grabbed ALANGUILAN’s OAK sized neck and proceeded to shake him left to right!

FLIM: “ Hello, let me have the pineapples then. IS the family size good enough for two people?

COUNTER GIRL: “ Its good enough for one small family.”

FLIM: “ Its good enough for two people. Thank you. Here’s the address.”


Alanguilan then takes out a gray t-shirt and hands it to me.

ALANGUILAN: “ We should have blood all over it. “

FLIM: “ Let me find that magic paper.”

ALANGUILAN: “ How about catsup? “

FLIM: “ Haven’t you been listening to your filmmaker’s commentaries on track 2? No one uses catsup! It’s just industry shorthand for KARO SYRUP no.3! Everyone knows that it is the closets approximation to blood’s consistency.”

ALANGUILAN: “ SO do you have KARO SYRUP no.3?

FLIM: “Nope! But we have something even better. The MAGIC PAPER! “

ALANGUILAN: ‘ What about the magic paper?”

FLIM: “ Its better than KARO SYRUP. When we dabbled it with water. It comes out red. But then the paper disintegrates into tiny goblets of red. Making it look like coagulated blood and splattered brain matter. So when I dump it into you, it would look like you shot someone at close range and they sprayed you with their guts!”

ALANGUILAN: “ Oh…. That’s cool.”

FLIM: “ SEE? NOW DOES FRIDAY UNDERSTAND? GOOD! THIS IS MASTER’S SHORT IT BELONGS TO MASTER! NOW THAT IS FRIDAY’S TOENAILS! THAT IS FRIDAYS! “

ALANGUILAN: “ ?”

FLIM: “ Ohhhh poor Friday. Now what the hell are we going to do while waiting for the pizza.”?

ALANGUILAN: “ Let’s buy some soft drinks.”

FLIM: “ Good idea FRIDAY! Les move.

We went to the next-door convenient store and rummaged thru the giant freezer locker. We contemplated which brand to get first. I really hate it when I have to decide what cola brand to get because they almost taste the same. There is a little taste difference but it is minute at best and only a COLA addict would even bother to discriminate its subtle strengths!

FLIM: “ I am perplexed, FRIDAY! Which do we get? COKE or PEPS?!”

ALANGUILAN: “ Let me see..Hey I got it! Lets get the Pepsi because there’s a 1 million peso promo contest on the label."


FLIM: “ Damn right! We might win and we can boost the production budget to a million! “

ALANGUILAN: “ Well almost a million. I intend to use a 100,000 for my wedding! “

FLIM: “ Just elope! Would you really like to feed a multitude of people who would end up complaining about the food anyway? “

ALANGUILAN: “ If we win we can afford to get a thousand extras for my death scene.”

FLIM: “ If we win we can shoot at one of those tall buildings in MAKATI.We can hire a platoon of production assistants to do traffic and crowd control! “

ALANGUILAN: “ If we win we can afford to buy an airbag so I can actually jump from the building! “

FLIM:” IF WE WIN! WE CAN FINALLY BUY A DECENT TRIPOD.”

We looked at each other as the euphoria surged thru us.

ALANGUILAN: “ LET’S BUY TWO! SO WE CAN WIN TWO MILLION PESOS! “

With logic like that HOW CAN WE LOSE?

The pizza came in thirty minutes later. I really hate pineapples on pizza. IT’S SO HIDEOUS! WHOEVER INVENTED IT SHOULD GET HIS STOMACH BLUDGEONED!

Since there was a chessboard lying on the table I challenged my man FRIDAY for a short game.

Imagine my surprise when he beat me two in a row.

I haven’t been playing for 15 years and my moves were very rusty. It’s not like Im trying to whine my way out of losing to him its just…HELL IT IS WHINING AND I DON’T CARE!

Finally a miracle happened on the 3rd bout!

I won!

Got my old groove back. Checkmated him in seven moves.

Of course my man Friday would deny that my triumph was anything but legit. I really hate poor losers! When he was winning I admitted that I was tad rusty. But nonetheless I accepted my loss. NOW WHEN I WON! HE ACCUSES ME OF PERFORMING AN ILLEGAL MOVE!

FLIM: “ Come, come. FRIDAY! It’s not really the winning. IT’S THE GAME THAT COUNTS!

ALANGUILAN: “ That’s an illegal move! And you were fondling that last piece of pizza. IT WAS DISTRACTING TO ME!”

FLIM:“ That’s a poor excuse if I ever heard one. “

ALANGUILAN: “ YOU KNEW THAT WAS MY SLICE! And you still fondled it so I can lose my concentration.”

FLIM: “ OH FRIDAY! When you play you can’t win all the time. LET’S HAVE A REMATCH TOMORROW AND NO MORE PIZZA SLICE TO UNNERVE YOUR DRACONIAN IMPULSES!”

ALANGUILAN: “ CHEATER! “

FLIM: “ HERE! Take your last slice. The one that cost you the game. BONA APPETITE! “

ALANGUILAN: ‘ IM NOT HUNGRY ANYMORE. YOU EAT IT! “

FLIM: “ DON’T MIND if I do. Winning makes me hungry.”

Never mind if the pizza had pineapples. It still tasted good.

Went back to the cave and just sat there and contemplated our bulging waistlines.

FLIM: “ Gosh look at that! Never thought that I’d see me gut stick out its tongue and raspberry me! “

ALANGUILAN: “ Look at mine! “

FLIM: “ You have a perfect excuse! YOU’RE WASTED! What’s my excuse! “

ALANGUILAN: “ Damn lazy bastard! That’s your excuse!”

FLIM: “ Metabolisms have a way of slowing down when you reach 30.”

ALANGUILAN : “ Use to run everyday .5 KILOMETERS.”

FLIM: “ Remember you should lose 30 pounds for the opening of the movie. I want you sleek and aerodynamically correct. Think you can do that? “

ALANGUILAN : Of course. Give me a few months.

I find that very hard to believe specially when his bare stomach’s winking at me from a thirty-five degree angle. This is going to be a lonnnnnnngggg shoot!

THIS IS MUCH BETTER

Or is this much better?

This is a pre-production painting of the Wasted character.Its' uncanny how Alanguilan is able to mimic the drawing right down to the catsup stained shirt.Been shooting the entire morning and am too tired to reply to Alanguilan's barbed repartees.Rest assured that tomorrow I would have regained my full strenght and would issue counter parries to this self proclaimed GRANDMASTER. in the meantime I hope the drawing suffices.

YOU BEAT ME IN CHESS? HAHAHAHA WHAT A SCREAM! IF YOUR ACTING ABILITY IS AS GOOD AS YOUR IMAGINATION. WE WOULD HAVE BEEN FINISHED BY NOW. Anyway You make me laugh. So here's one for you.

I Smell Like Fucking Ketchup!!

I had to get up really early today for the shoot. The Flim wants to shoot while the sun is still not too high in the sky. Some rubbish about having good light and stuff like that, but if you ask me, he just wants to make me suffer because I beat him in chess. More on that later. I get to his place at 7:30 after he insisted I go at 7:00. I said, no, I'm going at 7:30 no matter how much you insist 7:00 because you just want to make me suffer and I'm not about to humor you.

Ok. I just had shot several people in earlier scenes, and this particular scene consists of me rounding a corner, putting the gun into my bag, my shirt all bloody. Seems simple enough? Oh man, don't make me START. Well we needed to have a bloody shirt for one. The Flim has been telling me about this ingenious way of putting blood into the shirt by using some kind of secret paper and making it wet and it will look like blood on screen. Ok then, after talking about this damned secret paper for like 500 years the fucking secret paper is nowhere to be fucking found. "Let's just put KETCHUP on it!!" the Flim finally gleefully announces, with as much excitement and self satisfied grin as if he had just invented the wheel or something. Ketchup. Jesus Christ! This was yesterday. So yesterday I gave him my shirt for him to bloodify so we can use it today. The following day, the shirt was on their dinner table, with a bottle of ketchup beside it and the shirt was still untouched. What the f?? Did he expect ME to do it? Well, apparently, he did. I thought, what the hell. I went ahead and put ketchup on my favorite shirt, making it appear like it was blood. (Oh man, I don't think we could pull off anything more CHEAPER. Gah.)

After all that is done, we went off to the corner on which I will round, hide my gun and run away. I wore the shirt (Man, the things I'd do for the FLIM and he makes me suffer.) and we started shooting. The FLIM kept complaining about his tripod, which didn't seem to want to do what he wants to do. Well, what do you expect from a cheap piece of crap tripod like that? It's only a little better than 3 bamboo sticks tied together with string. He kept cursing and cursing saying he wants to bash the tripod witht he tripod. Whatever. But he was drawing attention to us, something that we DIDN'T WANT TO DO. I told him, man, you are the one who is always so concerned about attracting attention from people when we shoot thereby ruining our shots. Then by GOD, SHUT THE HELL UP! By this time, a huge crowd of people had gathered round, watching the FLIM curse and hit his tripod with the tripod.

After 395 takes of me rounding the corner, hiding the gun and running away, the FLIM finally decides it's enough. Apparently, 395 takes is how long it takes to get things right. Poor guy. But dammit! I smell like fucking KETCHUP! I'm gonna smell like ketchup for the next 6 months!! Already, the people in this Internet cafe is looking at me funny. Damn you FLIM!

And now to the chess. Well yesterday we took a break by playing some chess. The FLIM mistakenly challenged me to a game of chess, not knowing he was looking at the Grandmaster Champion Chess player of the Southern Tagalog Region....and the WORLD. Chuckling to himself believing that he has found a plucked chicken to kick around, laugh at and ridicule, he arrogantly banged those chess pieces in position (quite incorrectly if I may say so.) Well, I pulverized the FLIM in just a few moves, leaving him flabbergasted, senseless and in shock. Thinking that I was probably too hard on him, too brutal, I thought I'd knock my level of playing down some ten notches so he can at least have the illusion that he is actually GOOD at something.

The next game took a long time. With the FLIM taking some 30 minutes for each move. Well, I thought I'd do the same, just for the heck of it, and just for the sake of his sanity. I wanted to make it appear that I was squirming in my seat, struggling with my moves, all of which I had already made in my mind even before he made his first. I made it easy for him actually and I let him beat me. Easy as I made it for him, even when I had already lost all my MAJOR players, I was still able to beat him with my King and two Queens. Yes, TWO QUEENS. How THAT happened is testament to the FLIM's playing ability. Two Queens. It was unbelievable.

So today he makes me suffer by making me wake up early, and making me do 395 takes of the same thing over and over. Got it out of your system already? GOOD!

Today after the shoot he challenged me to another game of chess. I yawned, told him that I couldn't bear to see him lose again so I just let my mind sleep and let my fingers do all the thinking and moving. Well, OF COURSE he won. And that's only because he made some illegal moves that he insisted were legal. Unbelievable.

LAST SATURDAYS BLACK SATURDAY SHOOT

Woke up at 6: AM. And did all my bodily waste upkeep. ALANGUILAN would be pounding his fleshy fist on the front door anytime and I want to be fully clothed when he arrives. I don’t like the way he looks at me when Im just wearing a towel on my waist. Makes me think of convicts, bathrooms and slippery soap sliding all over the place.

ALANGUILAN arrives at 7:20, late as usual. I fear he is developing a STAR COMPLEX. Not to worry. Nothing that me and my trusty “MIJOLNER” TRIPOD couldn’t handle!

Arrived at BROADWAY CENTRUM to meet up with the STAN LEE OF THE PHILIPPINES for his role as b>ERICK’S BOSOMS MATE (Shorthand for gay lover)ED. (Notice how you can make a sitcom just using their names, ED & ERIK) we were listening to several WHO songs. It’s amazing how we both love this particular group.He keeps on insisting that I use a particular song for the soundtrack of the film. I told him that its ok if we just show the film here but we’d be in hot waters if we decide to take it out. Besides I don’t feel comfortable using it if its not cleared by the recording company.Worst comes to worst I’d do the musical score on my own. I’M A MEAN UKULELE PLAYER!

FLIM: “ We need to get the explosive props after the shoot. Do you still have energy to do it?"

ALANGUILAN: “ Of course I can do it. Besides its BUDGETT who will do most of the acting.”

I looked at him and had a funny thought. Is it possible that he is developing senility at an early age? This was Erik’s big moment. This is when he pours out everything that he ‘s kept inside. His concept of love, of idealized love. The “ love is not a plant that can be planted and replanted” speech. How can he forget that? Add insult to injury he wrote this scene himself!

FLIM: “ I don’t think you can go and look for a prop after the shot. You’d be emotionally drained.”

ALANGUILAN: “ I CAN DO IT! IF I CAN’T THEN YOU KEEP THE WRATH OF KHAN STAR TREK II SPECIAL EDITION DVDS! “

Well someone’s really cocky today. Must be a side effect of listening to THE WHO.

After nine songs of the WHO’s KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT I switched the disc to DON MCLEAN’S AMERICAN PIE. We’ve been waiting for an hour and the chances of STAN LEE coming are becoming more unlikely. Told ALIGUE that MR. TAN might have pulled a fast one on us.

ALIGE: “ I WONT SPEAK TO HIM EVER AGAIN if he doesn’t show up.”

FLIM: “ I’m sure that would break his heart.”


DON MCLEAN:

A long, long time ago I can still remember how that music used to make me smile and I knew if I had my chance that I could make those people dance and maybe they'd be happy for a while but February made me shiver with every paper I delivered, bad news on the door step, I couldn't take one more step, I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride but something touched me deep inside, the day, the music, died. So...

ALIGE: “ I don’t like this song. I find it disturbing.”

FLIM: “ THE FUCK’S THE MATTER WITH YOU? ITS DON MCLEAN!


DON MCLEAN:
Bye, bye Miss American Pie drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry an them good old' boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing this will be the day that I die, this will be the day that I die...Did you write the book of love and do you have faith in God above, if the bible tells you so, and do you believe in rock n' roll, can music save your mortal soul and can you teach me how to dance real slowly? Well I know that you're in love with him cuz I saw you dancing in the gym you both kicked off your shoes and I dig those rhythm and blues. I was a lonely teenage bronkin buck with a pink carnation and a pick up truck but I knew I was out of luck, the day, the music, died. I started singing...

ALIGE: “ Its an Evil song. Very sinister! I don’t like it! “

FLIM: “ WHAT? You like the WHO and their ear shattering music and instrument shattering finales but you can’t stand DON MCLEAN and a single acoustic guitar?”


DON MCLEAN:
Now for ten years we've been on our own and moss grows fat on a rollin stone but that's not how it used to be, when the jester sang for the king and queen in a coat he borrowed from James Dean and a voice that came from you and me, oh and while the king was looking down, the jester stole his thorny crown the courtroom was adjourned, no verdict was returned, and while Lenin read a book on Marx, the quartet practiced in the park and we sang dirges in the dark, the day, the music, died. We were singing...


ALIGIE: DON MCLEAN sold his soul to the devil so that he can make just that one song! His most popular song to date!

FLIM: “ WHAT? AMERICAN PIE? No! He made a lot of great songs. VINCENT, CASTLES IN THE AIR, WINTER WOOD

ALIGIE: “ Not as good or as popular as AMERICAN PIE. He sold his soul to the devil to make that song. Listen to the lyrics! His words are evil! Sinister! I don’t like it! “


FLIM: “ The song is an allegory about BOB DYLAN versus ELVIS PRESLEY and the whole musical revolution thing! You’re not supposed to take it word for word! “


DON MCLEAN:

Oh and there we were all in one place, a generation lost in space with no time left to start again, so come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack Flash sat on a candle stick because fire is the devils only friend, oh and as I watched him on the stage, my hands were clinched in fists of rage, no angel born in hell could break that Satan’s spell and as the planes climbed high into the night to light the sacrificial right I saw Satan laughing with delight, the day, the music, died. He was singing...

ALIGE: “ SEE! SEE! IT’S GETTING WEIRDER NOW! NOW SATAN’S MENTIONED "

FLIM: “ Brother! Where the fuck is MR. TAN? I WANT TO SHOOT NOW BEFORE YOU DRIVE ME BATTY!!!!!”


DON MCLEAN:

Bye, bye Miss American Pie drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry an them good old' boys were drinking whiskey and rye singing this will be the day that I die, this will be the day that I die.

ALIGE: “ Listen to this last part…LISTEN!!!!!! "

DON MCLEAN:
I met a girl who sang the blues and I asked her for some happy news but she just smiled and turned away, I went down to the sacred store where I'd heard the music years before but the man there said the music wouldn't play and in the streets the children screamed,

FLIM: “ FUCK! I haven’t really looked at it from that perspective. It does sound very atmospheric.”

DON MCLEAN:

The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed but not a word was spoken, the church bells all were broken and the three men I admire most, the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost, they caught the last train for the coast, the day, the music, died, and they were singing...

ALIGE: “ SEE? Even GOD QUITS!!!! HE PACKS UP AND RUNS!!!!!IT’S APOCALYPTICAL. THE END OF THE WORLD!”

I then stared at the disc cover of DON MCLEAN. All innocent and with a harmless guitar. IT’S A FUCKING ACOUSTIC GUITAR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! It doesn’t even use up electricity so how can it be…could it?

Then again there’s the fiddle, which is associated as the devil’s instrument, and it isn’t plugged on anything!

FLIM: “ How come you don’t get weirded over when OOZY OSBORNE OR BLACK SABBATH sing about DEMONIC POSSESSION AND SLAYINGS AND DISMEMBERMENTS? “

ALIGE: “ That’s what you expect from those guys! All electrical feedback and demonic lyrics! They shout and curse and run around with their black tongs. But not with DON MCLEAN and his mellow songs. When he sings about devils…it’s really creepy.”


FLIM: ”Let me guess…you’re going to talk about LED ZEPPELIN next and STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN! “

ALIGE: “ STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!! I played that part, “ there are two paths you can choose by in the long run” IT SAYS “ SWEET SATAN! “ LED ZEP is another group that sold their soul to the devil just to gain success.”

FLIM: “ HOW ABOUT SELLING YOUR SOUL IN EXCHANGE FOR A FLUID HEAD TRIPOD INSTEAD OF THIS COAT HANGER WE’VE BEEN USING!!!!”

ALIGE: “ Then there’s THE EAGLES AND “ HOTEL CALIFORNIA” Did you know that the hotel is meant to represent HELL?

My mind started to drift away and I had an idea for another episode of SICK SUPER HERO STORIES. I told ALANGUILAN about it and he said that it was cool. After I shoot the TRENCH COAT episode!

ALIGE: “ All of them, DON MCLEAN, LED ZEP AND THE EAGLES sold their souls to the devil to make just one big hit! “

FLIM: “ what about WHITNEY HOUSTON? BRITTNEY SPEARS… YOUR PERSONAL FAVORITE, BRUCE SPRING STEEN? “

ALIGE: BRUCE IS A FULL BLOODED AMERICAN! HE’S NO DEVIL WORSHIPPER!!!!”

FLIM: “ Last I heard so was ANTON LAVEY.LOOK! I’LL CHANGE THE DISC! I’ll BRING BACK THE WHO! OK? “

Made a mental note to do some research on the allegorical meanings MCLEAN put on AMERICAN PIE and will enlighten my provincial friend from LAGUNA about it’s real meanings!

An hour and a half later. There was still no sign of MR. TAN. I played BABA O RILEY for the seventh time. The musical loop doesn’t seem to bother the provincial in the back.I don’t know what thoughts were keeping him entertained but I was fantasizing on the different ways I can skewer MR. TAN with MJOLNIR!

After an hour and forty-five minutes of waiting, MR. TAN wobbles into the scene. Mutters a cursory apology and for a second I was in a quandary, shake his hand or STRIKE FOR THE GOD OF THUNDER! Well… I’ll just make him do take 90! That’s the best revenge!

We drive to the location, which is just a few blocks away. An age-old garage. I choose that location because the roof, which was made of, galvanized iron and had dozens of holes on them. And when the sun shone, shafts of light would come leaking thru. Unfortunately it was raining. It was a cloudy day. HOW TYPICAL!

Set up the cam and the tripod and the sound equipment. Gerry started pacing back and forth and MR. TAN twiddled his thumb and fondled his phone. I planned the shots and did three warm up takes.Asked Alanguilan to support my back as I dollied backwards. I needed a counter pressure against my backward motion to even up the speed bumps of this manual dolly move.

Was able to get a useable footage after take 7. But it wasn’t that great. We could get better takes. It came at take 20. Then a new problem arrived.

A MYNA bird started talking and chatting in the background. It must have been sleeping all that time and ALANGUILAN’s squeaky voiced awoke the sleeping giant!It would rant and raved in the background and we can’t get rid of it because the owner of the house was adamant about the bird staying where it is. Great! I started chanting, “ RED RUM! RED RUM! “ While loading the cam and adjusting my aperture opening.

A few minutes later the Bird starts yelling, “ RED RUM! RED RUM!”

I did take after take after take and the damn bird wont stop yakking!! Hmmmmm WHAT THE HELL! Did a long dolly shot of MR. TAN looking for ERIK, made him stop and look at the bird and establish it’s presence. He exits frame and I dolly towards the bird. I have a great idea for a plot device. IF HE WONT SHUT UP THEN HE’D STAR IN THE MOVIE AS WELL! I’ll use him as an important element in the scene.


Took a lot of master shots for the ED/ ERIK confrontation. Had ERIK walking around, Ed walking around. ERIK kneeling and having him move around as if he’s standing and moving around. ED kneeling and swaying, like he’s standing and swaying.


After the 30th take, they were warmed up and ready for the CRUCIAL FACE REGISTRATION EMOTIONAL IMPRINTS. What they call CLOSE-UPS.

On the onset I was afraid that this would look and sound like your typical average LOCAL TV SOAP thing with one character overreacting and the other just standing around doing nothing, but keeping his hands in his pockets. So I had them do something with their hands and with their feet that had nothing to do with what they were saying.I remember how my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. She was chewing on a bite of siomai and trying to catch the next one with chopsticks she didn’t know how to use.


The Emotional scenes were even punctuated by the cries of the MYNA bird in the background.

Alanguilan had trouble with some of the lines. That’s funny He wrote this scene himself. How could a writer forget his lines? It’s like a director forgetting his shots.SO I asked MR. TAN to bring the script up real close to ALANGUILAN ‘s face. I was doing this as a CLOSE-UP so the viewers can’t see that he’s actually reading lines from his own script!

Then the sky became darker. Obscuring the remaining light on ALANGUILAN’s face
Told Mr. TAN to bring the script paper even closer. Might as well turn it into fill light. The wonders of ultra-low budget filmmaking never ceases to amaze me.

Then as if we didn’t have enough problems, the screaming MYNA BIRD was joined by a chicken from hell! It flapped and crowed and did what chickens normally do. But this one did it louder! I wondered what sin I have committed against the avian kind that they should be sabotaging the shoot! I seemed to recall that my favorite animal to eat was the shrimp so…

My eyes fell on ALANGUILAN!

THAT’S IT! The birds smell the carrion dead of their kind festering within the abominable abdomen of the ALANGUILAN.They know it in their blood that they are in the presence of the DEVOURER OF THE POULTRY RACE! THE GALACTUS OF HEN HOUSES! THE OMEGA OF EGGS BOTH SOFT AND HARD BOILED!

They were not crying mindlessly! They were sending a WAR CRY! Somewhere in the outskirts of New Manila, they are gathering. Thousands of runaway chickens and stray birds will come down on us like what ALFRED HITCHCOCK foresaw decades ago.

THEY WANT VENGEANCE!!!!! For all the fried, sautéed, broiled, barbequed, fricasseed, shushied chickens He consumed in this lifetime and the last!!!!

Told ALANGUILAN about it. He doesn’t seem worried. And why should I too? He’ll just eat them all to death with one gulp.

Thirty minutes later we were still in one piece and no flying horde was on the horizon.

Suddenly there was voice singing a libretto!

THAT’S IT! I can take the MYNA BIRD! And the CHICKEN! BUT I CANT TAKE
THE LIBRETTO! NOT ANYMORE! IT’S TOO MUCH!

I had enough very good shoots. But I wanted more. Told them that it was a pack up and that we would shoot the fight scene next week. Also informed Alanguilan that I finally got his OSCAR CLIP!

We folded our equipments and stuff at the back of the car. Found out thru the driver that the owner of the house like to listen to OPERA while she did her daily laps in the pool.That was very cinematic. I like that! Probably I’d shoot some footage of that one of these days.

We headed for the nearest PERSIAN restaurant. After enduring 45 minutes of WILSON street traffic we found the restaurant closed for lunch. I forgot that they opened in the afternoons. They’re probably too busy building bombs in the morning to cater to hungry costumers. So we just went to LECHING.

After Lunch. I went to the toyshops to check out the CAPTAIN AMERICA MARVEL LEGENDS figure. I kept seeing this everywhere a few months ago. Told myself that I would get it when I felt like it. Now is the time. AND IT’S GONE!!!!!!!!!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY OH WHY DIDN’T I GET IT BEFORE?? Now it’s GONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Found out that a rich bastard toy collector bought everything in hordes!!!!!! He buys multiple copies of the same thing and then stocks them up and then jacks the price to HIGH HEAVENS!!!! Nifty business plan but totally against the laws of NATURE!Hope the toys fall over him and BLISTER PACKS HIM TO DEATH!!!!!

It was nearing 5 when MR. TAN left ALANGUILAN and me in our favorite corner on SATURDAY shoots.

FLIM: “ So you up for the explosive kits search thru the malls? “

ALANGUILAN: “ I have to go and help someone. “

FLIM: “ Oh…ok. Fine performance. Great OSCAR CLIP. See you next Saturday.”

He grunts something unintelligible and saunters away with hands in the pocket in the BEST FPJ TRADITION.

FLIM: “ Oh by the way…THANKS FOR THE WRATH OF KHAN DVD! IT’S GOING TO OCCUPY A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY COLLECTION. “

He looks at me and there was indignant anger in his eyes but suddenly his brain processes the information. And then it retrieves the much-needed memmory chunck of the bet we made earlier. AS soon as his saurian brain processed this data ,his shoulders then sagged and he nodded in a defeated manner.

Of course I wont take it seriously. Of course I’d return the DVD. I wasn’t about to rob my actor with an OLIVERIAN talent, of his most priced possession. Not after giving a performance that placed a tear in the MYNA bird’s unrepentant eye. Of course not.
But then again………

There was chicken shit all over the floor and that's where I would have to lie for my death scene.

Call time was 8am at Broadway Centrum. I woke up at 8am. Bad trip! Got there around 9am, I think. A couple of blocks away was our "set". I little shack/tambakan in a house in New Manila. Light filtered through the holes on the roof and that's just how Noel liked it. Unfortunately, the sky was overcast and it wasn't exactly the type of sunlight Noel had in mind for the shot. So, it means we'd have to go back some other time and maybe even re-shoot those scene.

There were chickens/roosters in and around that shack. There was even a Myna bird-- the type that would parrot everything you would say. As Noel was setting up his equipment, he was able to teach the Myna bird to say, "REDRUM! REDRUM!" It was very freaky.
Anyway, back to the chickens. So, one of them was tied up in one corner of the shack, but his shit was all over the place. Gerry was the one who pointed out that I would eventually be lying down on the mud and excrement when we do my death scene. I didn't want to think about it at the time. At least, I brought a change of clothes.

We finally had to shoot and both Gerry and I had not yet memorized the script, so we had a lot of ad libs, which actually made the conversation sound more real. After Gerry did his monologue scene, Noel yelled, "WE NOW HAVE OUR OSCAR CLIP!" I could already imagine Billy Crystal announcing on stage, "And now, a clip from our next nominee... WASTED, about a guy who gets dumped and starts killing people. Reminds me of my Uncle Hubert. He was postal worker." Anyway, it was a great scene! We did several takes and finally had to pack it all up because the owner of the house started to play opera music at full blast and the roosters started to crow and the Myna bird started to scream, "REDRUM! REDRUM!" Well, not really... but it would've been more interesting if the bird did do that. So, we weren't able to do my scene on the chicken shit.

More reports from the chicken shack next time.

Must we quibble over details? KNEW YOU’D WELCH! WELCHER! Should just change the title of the film to WELCHER THE MOVIE! I don’t think that depriving you of one DVD would make your life a less infernal than the way it is now. Anyway you’d be please to know that the lyrics of AMERICAN PIE is not a summoning spell for a demonic entity which you so excitedly pointed out to me last Saturday.

“ I watched him on the stage, my hands were clinched in fists of rage, no angel born in hell could break that Satan’s spell and as the flames climbed high into the night to light the sacrificial right I saw Satan laughing with delight, the day, the music, died. He was singing..”.

He was pertaining to MICK JAGGER during the ROLLING STONES CONCERT IN ALTAMONT WHERE A FAN WAS STABBED DEATH BY The ROLLING STONES HIRED BODYGUARDS, THE LEGENDARY HELL’S ANGELS.I said it before and I’ll say it again, The whole song is a METHAPOR! So put down the wooden stakes and the silver bullets and stay away from DON MCLEAN. Go back to stalking BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN and his monosyllabic songs, “‘ UHMMM..IM UNDERNEATH YOUR PILLOW…WHEN YOU UMHMM…UNDERNEATH YOUR PILLOW!!!”

Thanks pal! So does it mean I get to keep WRATH OF KHAN? Of course! Right? I did win the bet?

Sure! It's yours if you want it. If your CONSCIENCE can take it. If you don't mind DEPRIVING me of one of the little things that make my life less of a LIVING HELL. So go ahead...it's OK.

But truthfully, you KNEW I had to go by 5 and it was already 4:30 when we got back to your place. I was ready to go, but I had to GO, you know what I'm saying? So THAT DOESN'T COUNT. - Gerry

Damn funny POST Mr. FLIM. Why in don't you post it HERE, for crying out loud? :)

Long before this Blog, I was already writing a personal diary of my involvement with this movie. I had started it, made a couple of entries, but never really continued it until Noel and I started this diary here. Just for the sake of what the heck, lemme just share this a little bit....


December 1, 2001
Saturday

What a tiring day. I just got home from a flurry of activities both in Manila and here in San Pablo. Here in San Pablo I'm preparing architecture stuff for our Architecture week 2 weeks from now. In Manila, I had been meeting with filmmaker Noel Lim. Backtracking a bit, Noel Lim had approached me a month or so ago with the prospect of making a WASTED movie. Having seen his work, I realized that we had a lot in common creative wise and we agreed on a lot of things with regards to bringing Wasted to the screen. One thing that we didn't quite agree on is that he wanted ME to play Eric. I didn't want to play Eric. I wasn't an actor, although I have to admit that I entertained ideas of trying it a long time ago. I actually approached Whilce Portacio's wife, who used to work at Viva, about the prospect of becoming an extra. But it was an idea I didn't pursue too seriously. I could probably handle a small one liner role or probably FPJ's punching bag. I would have been happy with that. But this is becoming the lead actor who appears in 99% of the movie, with LOTS of speaking (and screaming) lines, and lots of physical action. It's like asking a dentist to operate on a brain tumor. So I told Noel I didn't want to play Eric. I was adamant about it, and he was adamant about me playing it. I approached friends with the idea, and some of them discouraged me to do it, and some encouraged me to do it. I still didn't feel comfortable about doing it, but as time went on, I could at least feel that I'm becoming more open to considering it.

Today we tried some test shots at Cardinal Hospital in Ortigas, Manila. Noel's wife, and my trekkie friend Cecil was sick and was confined to the hospital. So we shot around the place so he could stay with Cecil. We did some closeup shots by the window and in the bathroom of Cecil's hospital room. It was crazy. We had toy guns and grenades scattered around the room which startled the doctors and nurses who came in, puzzled by what was going on. Shooting in the room was OK, but I suddenly became uncomfortable when Noel asked to shoot in the corridor outside, with me walking the hallway with a gun in my hand. We didn't have a permit to be there, and that gun looked terribly real. I was concerned about unnecessarily scaring patients, their visitors and the nurses and doctors. It may scare them enough to call the police or something.

After everything was shot, Noel seemed pretty happy with the results. I couldn't look at myself in the screen. I never really could because it made me feel strange. He kept saying how right he was in choosing me for the role, but I'm still not sure.

December 9, 2001
Saturday

Aw man, I'm so tired. I never realized this acting stuff could be so exhausting. But I don't mind. It's a whole new experience and I find I'm really enjoying myself. I spent yesterday and today in Manila shooting with director Noel F. Lim in Paco and in Escolta. We really don't have a script yet, so what we're shooting are essentially footage that could be used in previews and maybe we could use parts of it in the movie itself if the shots are good enough. Man, this Noel Lim is quite a character. He has a way of making perfect strangers feel comfortable and make them want to help you. It's amazing to watch. I wish I could do that.

Yesterday afternoon was spent in Noel's garage and boiler room shooting me crying my eyes out. It's more difficult than you think. I no longer feel sad or depressed so it's hard to get the emotion necessary to be convincing. We did take after take with me just sitting there or standing there, but it really took a lot out of me. A few minutes of that felt like an entire day of drawing. And towards evening I was feeling like was going to get sick. But thank God I didn't.

Noel had already created a teaser trailer from footage we shot the previous week. He showed it to me and man....looking at it makes me think that this thing could really work. I normally don't like looking at myself on TV. I feel so embarrased. But I gotta admit, Noel did a terrific job of putting it together with the effects and music and stuff that I felt like I was looking at someone else and not me. We wanted to show it to Alamat Ed In Chief Budjette Tan that night but we couldn't meet up. I spent the night at a nearby hotel and I only mention it because I had my first encounter with a pimp. I was in the lobby texting Noel. I stepped out of the lobby into the sidewalk and immediately these 2 guys were on me trying to push their girls on me. Aw man! I politely begged off and said I was waiting for someone. Still they kept whispering...."2,500 pesos! (roughly $50), Beautiful! Young! You can have her all night!". I finally had enough so I went back in.

I woke up very early at 5 because we were supposed to start shooting early to get some of those great morning sun lighting and shadows. Noel didn't arrive to pick me up at 6 so I decided to kill time by going to the next door grocery. And as soon as I stepped out, aw man, the other pimp was still there, still awake, still pushing his girls on me. "Young! Beautiful! You can have her till 12 noon!". Man, this guy was really desperate. You can see it in his eyes and in his voice. It seems this guy needs money really bad. If he wasn't a pimp I'd feel sorry for him. Well, actually I did feel a little sorry for him.

Turns out our transpo didn't arrive in time so I just went ahead and went back to Noel's place to shoot scenes at a nearby sidewalk eatery. Man, the guy cooking was a mean looking bastard. He's got this really mean looking face and one mean tattoo on his arm. We would get in a fight and I'm supposed to argue with him and shoot him. As soon as that guy started saying his lines I was scared to death. This guy could kill me with his mouth alone. I blew my line a couple of times. This guy was good.

We later went to Escolta to shoot some walking scenes. Escolta has a great collection of really good old looking buildings.

Last Saturday we shot the Eric-Ed reunion scene where Ed brings Eric his clothes and Eric rants about love. Well the shot isn't finished because of damned chickens and opera.

I got up pretty early at 6:30 so I can be at the Flim's place at 7:30. From there, we proceeded to Broadway Centrum where waited for Ed, Budjette Tan. He was a little late, so we killed time by listening to The WHO, on a player that didn't seem to WANT to play The WHO. We listened to live versions of Won't Get Fooled Again and Baba O'Reilly, the latter song being the inspiration of the title of the comic book, and now this movie.

After Budjette arrives we head on over to New Manila for our location. The place is like an old storage room which was absolutely perfect for the scene. It was a little small, but it served our puposes. All of a sudden the Flim goes crazy and points at me, finger shaking, eyes manic and crazed and sez...."Kneel!! Kneel Before ZOD!!"

Shocked, I was only able to mutter "uh...ok" and I did. The guy is CRAZY I tell you. He wants me to act on my knees. He says its some directorial imperative that only HE can understand and stupid actor like me should just better shut up and do as he says because my brain will be too slow to process the calculations necessary to even begin to understand what he was trying to do. Well...ok. And the Flim goes off and consults his "Directing for Dummies" book again.

All of a sudden opera music fills the air, the chickens start to crow like mad, a myna bird starts shouting obscenities so we packed up and left.

We went to Greenhills for lunch. I had chicken. I ate those damned chickens with relish by God! After eating, the Flim is once again taken over by some strange force and exhibits a strong uncontrollable urge to fondle Captain America. So we went up Shoppesville because the Flim is so crazy for those Marvel Legends toys which I never even heard about. Why do grown up people bother with toys? TOYS??? I mean, jeez. Grow UP! Go and spend time with something more mature, more adult....like COMICS!!

Now it's Budjette's turn to be possessed and he literally dragged us kicking and screaming into Starbucks for coffee. I had ice tea. Without ice.

All in all, a pretty nice day. Budjette was terrific as Ed! Cool, man, thanks for coming!

I’m getting tired, answering the question. “ Why did you cast Gerry for Eric? He doesn’t look the part! “It usually comes from the tail end of telling me, “ Hey I heard you’re doing a WASTED MOVIE.”

HE DOESN’T LOOK THE PART.

Why, how does ERIC look like, apart from the fact that he is a two- dimensional character drawn by a b>ROTRING fine line point 0.3 pen and someone from Laguna INSTEAD OF BEING INSIDE THE LOONEY BIN .

Muscular and good-looking? In the comic, yes! But in real life he aint. He’s 175 pounds of blubber and a mean look that is an amalgam of JOSEPH ESTRADA and WHILCE PORTACIO. He plops his big ass on my couch all the time and consistently pesters me to death to watch KUROSAWA’S DRUNKEN ANGEL and badgers me about buying a particular DVD in my collection that he has been salavitating on.

He’s a great cook when it comes to roasted chicken. Generously sharing the recipe with me in exchange for my Mother’s classical hamburger secret ingredient. Albeit homicidal at times, especially when we were making chickens for a party. “ ITS IN THE WRONG TEMPERATURE!! ITS NO LONGER MY CHICKEN YOU HEAR! DON’T CLAIM IT’S MY CHICKEN!!”

HE DOESN’T LOOK THE PART.

What do you mean “ Doesn’t look the part “ He is ERIK! The comic book is his autobiography written by his ID!

BUT ERIK IS A BUFFED UP GOOD LOOKING GUY.
YOU GOT ME THERE. But would a good-looking muscular guy whine about his girl dumping him when he could have anyone he wanted? Well yeah he would whine but not for long and he surely wont go out and kill people. He’d just visit the gym and flex those latissimus dorsei and hit on them Lycra clad women.

Gerry told me that he thinks he knows why I cast him to play ERIK in the movie. We were riding a jeep at the time and were on our way to buy some supplies. He told me that I was doing a hero that didn’t look like the hero you usually saw in the movies. Who didn’t have a great body, face and voice? And that I was going against the film cliché type. I told him that he forgot the most important thing, HE WAS CHEAP!

He was right of course. I wanted a believable character. Someone that people would say looks mundane and normal, not a poster boy for physical enhancement. Someone capable of having his heart broken to such a degree that it turns the rage he feels, outward and upon the unsuspecting populace.

I remember the first time I told Gerry about doing a WASTED MOVIE. That was just almost a year from now. He told me to do it and knock myself out. I Heehawed . Didn’t tell him that it was just stage one of a two-punch combination!

We were at the first PINOYDVD EYE BALL. Hanging around in the sofa when I told him that I wanted him to play ERIC. His eyeballs went up. He told me that he couldn’t act.

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! I heard those words from so many different mouths and most of them proved to be the best actors I ‘d ever meet.Then I told him that we could do a test. You know just like MARLON BRANDO did when they didn’t want him to do the part of DON CORLEONE. If it doesn’t work then I’d be the first one to say, “ Hey BAD MISTAKE you can go back being WHILCE PORTACIO’S STUNT DOUBLE IN COMIC BOOK OPENINGS. ”

We shot the screen test in the hospital cause the better half was sick and I had to be there. I was taking stock footage of the hospital room anyway so what the hell. Lucky enough I had a friend who lived a few blocks away so I went there borrowed two replica guns. One was a 45 and another was a world war II German luger. Gave it to Gerry and told him to walk the corridors and have this insane look.

Gerry gives me this, “I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT BREAKING INTO A GRIN “ explanation.

Told him it was that or we’d just have to settle for JESTONI ALARCON.

So he walked into the corridors with the fake gun in his hands and whined something like, “ I ‘m going to get shot by the security guards”

“ Hmm hope to get it on film. Would make a great teaser trailer.” I replied.

Didn’t tell him that I was there with a camera and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there was a shoot going on. But on second thought, the security guard aint geniuses and they’re the ones with the loaded guns. HMMMMMmm! He sauntered into the white aseptic corridors and I shot him with his pissed off attitude. Nurses and doctors scampered out of sight while he walked and I dollied. Strangely enough, no security guards.

When edited I showed it to him and he was shocked that he looked great.

OF COURSE YOU LOOK GREAT! YOU LOOK MAVELLOUS, DAHLING! ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR CLOSE UP NOW?”

After that initial “ NO I DON’T WANT TO ACT. JUST GET SOMEONE ELSE”,soliloquy, Gerry evolved into an enthusiastic actor. And I mean ENTHUSIASTIC! From MR,“ IM NOT AN ACTOR I CANT ACT” He goes to ” WAIT, DON’T SHOOT YET! I HAVE TO INTERNALIZE!” And the bastard would walk around the location, mouthing something Unintelligible! The speed in which he transforms from reluctant ingénue to PRIMA DONNA makes Mike Moran’s transformation into MIRACLE MAN look like a snail in comparison.


FANTASTIQUE! IT’S ALIVE! ALIVE YOU HEAR ME! I HAVE CREATED A MONSTER!

Twenty minutes later when he’s still internalizing, the euphoria would sink way down and there’s the urge to just bash him with the tripod.

Now I don’t know why Im defending the bastard. I feel like TIM BURTON when he first cast MICHAEL KEATON. Truth to tell I really don’t think I had a concrete reason for casting GERRY aside from him being Cheap And that his physical appearance would be like giving a finger on all those action stars. Maybe I was hoping that there’s still a residue of the emotions that he felt that propelled him to do the comic. Maybe enough to draw upon so that we can instill the performance with a dangerous edge. I mean what s more edgy than someone acting as a loon? SOMEONE WHO USED TO BE A LOON. Or in Gerry’s case someone who is still a loon and pretending that he is normal.

The new design of the site is up....but the front page only for the meantime. With clickable links only for this diary and for contact email. It's tough coming up with a workable design on my limited knowledge of web page design. The Flim here wants all sorta stuff that requires knowledge in stuff like Javascript and Flash and all that, things I have ZERO knowledge about.

It took some time to come up with this, and even then I'm not 100% happy with it. I'll be going back to Manila tomorrow so I won't be able to design and upload the rest of the site until this coming weekend.

I know a couple of you who are reading this probably want to help out, but thanks, I may not know much about designing web sites, in fact, I have very rudimentary understanding of HTML, but in keeping with the spirit of Wasted, a spirit that the Flim shares in his film work, I'm perfectly happy working on this site with my own hands. I know the site could look better with someone like the Tadeo zapping this site with his expertise, but I would feel a lot more fulfilled creatively if I made this on my own. Check it out! :)
WASTED THE MOVIE